Many asked if he propose.
Well, he did.
=)


No more spending after Phuket he said.
And I whined.
Tell me, how ready am I.
Cos quite honestly, Im pretty unsure myself.


It is not the fact that im unsure of wanting to be with him.
With all my heart I do.
Im just unsure of the future.
The bills, and debts and money money money money.


We came a long way. We might not be together for donkey years but heck, the things we went thru speaks volume.
This is as raw as it gets.


There were times I wonder to myself why didnt I just walk away when things just got so bad.
When I know the future was so bleak and everything was just so wrong.
I know my parents hope I leave him for good.
But I cant.


My savings slowly depleted. Bills & debts I paid.
Even my precious birthday ring from my parents was gone.
Not to mention the lovely ring from my late grand-dad. That was all I have left to remind me of him.
And that too was taken away.
Oh, dont get me wrong.
He never once made me do what I did.
Neither did he not bother to do anything about his situation back then.
It was all downhill from where we begin.
Nothing to pull ourselves up.
I had to do what I think was right.
I answer for my own actions.


I was not brought up as a rich kid.
Oh no, my family is definitely not rich.
My dad hold 2 jobs back then. He earned it.
we stayed in a real comfy 5-room flat.
And we got everything and anything we asked for.
But we know money dont come easy.
We have to work hard.
And that I learn frm Dad.
When Kakak when to University in Perth.
Our lives took a turn.
Dad sold his bike and mom started to work.
However, there was still food on the table and we still got everythin and anything we asked for.
Our lives was simple yet fulfilling


Thus, it was difficult for me being in that situation with him.
Yes I complained. And yes I whined.
I was certainly not comfortable with not having what I want and need.
But I still stayed. Every night and day by his side.
Even if it means sleepless nights in the back of his van.
Even if it means another word war with mom.
Even if it means pulling myself out of my own comfort zone.



And then God answered my prayers.
Regus happened.
Earning a very comfortable pay for myself. And he finally got out from that shithole.
Even is it means doing something not many will be proud of doing.
Thank Allah SWT.


Life got a whole lot better now. Even if we're still struggling.
At least the debts got lesser and bills are paid.
And, Im starting to save even if it is just 70 bucks a month.


I have my thankfuls.
Like my parents who willingly open their arms in my dire need of help.
Like lil runt who gave me the comforting hug each time it was another word war with mom.
Like D.Bf. Word can never do justice to the things he did for me. Even when his life was filled with nothingness.
His love and patience so strong. Taught me the real value of life.
And of cos, fate, luck and Allah.


We're still struggling but at least our love for each other bring us thus far.
I can never guessed I would stay this long.
But I did. We did.



We have big dreams. Though money is an issue, I would do anything for it to happen.
D.bf wants to go back to school.
That Im proud to hear. To improve himself for me. For my sake. For our future.
I want to earn big. Give him a comfortable life. Give us a comfortable life.


Though the future seems uncertain at this point.
But at the very least, we're taking another step towards a new chapter.
Slowly but surely.
And god willing, life would just get better and better.
Putting an end to our struggles.
Insya allah.


I love you luv.
With all my heart.
Lets put an end to this chapter of our story and write a new one.
Lets end 2007 with a sweet ending.
And usher in 2008 with a brand new life.
We'll take small tiny baby steps till we're ready for that giant leap.
You are all I ever wanted.
I wanna grow old with you. =)


“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.”
- Roy Croft