Its my Dad's bday today.....

havin a small family break fast at home...

I noe i shld be home for it....

but after what happened yesterday...i just feel like i dont wanna be arnd her...

i only got myself to blame for having to listen to all sarcasm and critics being hurled at me...

but im still human afterall...ive got feelings too...theres only so much i can take...

they might not think that watever lil things they say to me doesnt hurt...but how much do they noe anyways...

u want me to at least call home...a comfort for u maybe...

but each time i do..just hear at what i hafta listen to...

u want me to at least be home sometime...a reality for u maybe

but each time i do..just look at what i hafta go thru...

dont u think i wanna be home?? dont u think i wanna feel the family comfort all over again??

but whenever im arnd u ppl...i no longer feel wanted...i no longer feel that u want me anrd..

Rian doesnt play a part at all in me not wanting to be home...its my choice...

and its bcos....at least i feel like im wanted here...im treated with respect...

i blame Rian for making me listen to what was said yesterday by her...

it hurts..really...to listen to the hatred and anger...

but i noe i cant blame him wholeheartedly for not wanting to pick up calls from home...

think and look back at what he went thru in the early stage of our relationship...

remember what u ppl said to him in those msgs...

dont u think he haf every reason to feel maybe a lil apprehensive??

i was upset yesterday..i cried..i reprimanded Rian..but at the end of it all...

i noe i cant blame him entirely...

Hate him all u want...i honestly do not care...i noe who he is truely...

i dunno how far this relationship will go...but all i noe is that right now...

hez the only one who doesnt make me feel like how they made me feel...

and honestly....thatz all that matters....

one fine day...they will see what a great person he is to me...how much he taught me...and how much he pushed me on to face the harsh reality of life...

as for now.....imma suck in all my ego and pride....

head on home...and be there for my Dad's bday dinner...

take everything in all that will be said.....

and after that...im out...

back to the house where nobody belittle me....

call me stubborn..stupid...rude or what naught.....

cos i noe...anybody who is reading this....

have got no absolutely clue of the things ive went thru and am going thru anyways....

so it doesnt matter.....